Never Give Up

There is that saying, one which I hate by the way, LIFE IS UNFAIR. Sometimes it can certainly seem that way, but I have learned that life is what you make of it. Life is not giving up just because something doesn’t go your way. Life is about continuing on with your plans, slightly altered, or taking a different path as the one you were on no longer matters.

Over the last two years, I have learned about perseverance. I re-injured my back two years ago from an incident when I was sixteen years old, almost fifteen years ago. As it was a “pre-existing” injury the worker’s compensation company is refusing to pay for things, leaving me with enormous medical bills and my back has gotten so bad, my husband finally talked me into quitting because I would come home from work barely able to stand or walk and in such pain I couldn’t sleep. I am still in pain every day, but not nearly as bad. We were hoping that it would heal and revert to the way it was, of being a problem only once in a while, not every day, if I wasn’t working. No such luck. So, it has come to be that surgery was recommended, a spinal fusion to be exact, so that I would stop getting stuck when I rose or have extreme agony if I accidentally twist my spine. I cannot even crouch without the possibility of getting stuck. Loading the dishwasher is agony, putting things in the oven is impossible some days, if not for my front loading washing machine and dryer on pedestals, I would have a very difficult time doing laundry. I will be forever grateful to my husband for all the help he has given me, for vacuuming as I am no longer able to, for all the little things I used to do and can no longer do, for working a job where we don’t know when he’s getting home sometimes, just so we can afford for me not to work, for buying me a different car I can actually get in and out of. Without my husband, I don’t know what I would do.

Anyway, (I got off on a small tangent there) during the last two years, I have learned not to give up. I have fought the worker’s compensation company for them to pay for some of the things, and am now fighting for my husband’s insurance to cover the surgery. They deny it, saying it is medically unnecessary. If any of them had to live the life I was living right now, they would be singing a different tune. If they could just feel the pain I was in for less than a week, they would most likely approve it. Instead, they are saying that my spine doesn’t slip out of normal position. If it does not do this, how does my spine catch on itself and prevent me from standing upright and when I try, shoot pain through my entire back and down my legs? Now I have to start a second level appeal in hopes they will reconsider.

My point here, I know it has taken a little longer to get here, is don’t give up. Giving up means they win. Keep fighting. This is the same strategy I use with writing. Sometimes it’s difficult, but you just keep pushing through. The more difficult things are in life and in writing, are often the most valued. They are the ones we learn the most from. The things we look back and say “I did that”, although at the time, you were uncertain you could.

I don’t think life was ever meant to be easy. An easy life means you have nothing left to learn, nothing left to fight for. This is the reason I will never give up.

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